On the day that Marianne and I decided to (begin the process to) change our last names to Ayers, I sent both my parents an email.
It basically explained why we had chosen to change our names, what the name meant to us, and that yes, we had weighed all the options and realized what it was going to cost but that we were still going through with it. I also asked that while I was open to (and in fact would love to have) a conversation about the name change, they would respect our decision.
That was Monday. And until last night there had been silence. Then I got an email from my dad.
I have yet to hear from my mom which is fine, she’s always been supportive of me and my life and relationships, even if she didn’t agree with the way I was choosing to do things. She also once spent five days with me at the Virginia Women’s Music Festival and she was the first person I called when I decided to out myself to my Air Force ROTC commander and begin the discharge process under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.
My dad is different. He’s always been quietly supportive of me and my relationship with Marianne, but he’s also always said that who is doing what with whom is no one’s business but the two people involved. Live and let live sorta thing. Which is why his email sort of caught me off guard. It read, in part:
Hi Kate, Kate Ayers, this is something else that I will get used to. I’m up for change. I understand your reasons for the change, and I understand the problems that many gay couples have with different names, so I guess this is as good of time to make the change as ever. When is it that you think that you are going to do the change? Let me know as you do with most other things.
In then, in my dad’s typical fashion, he started talking about the wood he and his girlfriend Judy are using for the barn they’re building on her property and the fact that the weather is 100 degrees in Ohio.
It’s not that I was ever worried that he wouldn’t love and support me just like’s done a thousand times before, it was just nice to get an email about it is all.
Any amount is helpful, we’ve got until the end of July to raise the money…we’re up to $77 which gets us two sets of fingerprints a piece, covers the cost of the federal background check for both of us and gives us $15 for dinner.. We’re looking to raise $375 – only $298 to go!