Hey look, it’s my first reblog! That’s fun!
But seriously, I like this post mostly because it’s a different take on “What to call a wedding when it’s not one?” from a black queer perspective. For the most part, I see Rashida’s perspective, but a few sentences jumped out at me:
[B]ecause our systems support that idea by awarding married couples certain privileges that non-married couples aren’t privy to, it can be hard to maintain a life-long commitment outside of the institution of marriage. (Italics are mine)
To me it seems just the opposite. Knowing that either Marianne or I can dissolve a relationship without any legal wrangling makes me want to work harder to make sure that doesn’t happen. If the only things we have going for us are love and commitment (because nothing else is legal), then it makes sense to work at the relationship instead of just assuming it will always be there.
Also, Rashida seems to be arguing that a queer definition of marriage would look like the current straight one.
In our culture, that’s just what you do when you meet someone you love and want to share your life with – you marry them.
In whose culture? Certainly not the queer one I’m a part of. While it’s true that in the straight world there is an expectation of marriage, like when Marianne’s sister dated her fiance for three years before they were engaged and the whole family was wondering why he hadn’t popped the question yet, no one ever asked Marianne and I when we were getting hitched. It seems to me that a queer definition of marriage would be nothing like the straight one, because queer relationships (however you define them) follow a totally separate (wandering, meandering, non-linear) path.
Anyway, just thought I would add a different voice to my blog today. Happy Friday all!
Lately the gay marriage train has been picking up speed with more and more states jumping on board and granting same-sex couples the same rights as straight ones. On one hand, I’m excited. I think it’s great that love is being recognized and that heterosexual love is being taken off of its pedestal as the only true representation of love. On the other hand, the radical Black lesbian feminist one, I can’t help but feel some discomfort with this extension of marriage, an institution that has a long history of being riddled with oppression and control. I’m reminded of Audre Lorde’s famous speech, “The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House,” in which she argues that as long as we’re using the tools of the “master” or the ruling class, we can never truly achieve authentic liberation. What does this mean for love and relationships, then? Can queer people…
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