You don’t give up on family


Monday was bad.

To add more to that, God thought it would be fun to have Pastor Kelly ask me and my friend and fellow Green Streeter Tim to craft a policy concerning same-gender relationship celebrations to present to the Leadership Council for consideration. Because you know, the best thing to do when you’re feeling left out is craft a policy that still leaves you out.

But, as usual, God knows what he’s doing. Tim and I met with Kelly tonight to begin the conversation and although we have a lot more questions than answers right now, there are precedents. Other churches around the country have policies that may or may not work for Green Street, but we have a starting point.

All of them still require same-gender couples to go somewhere else to say their vows and have a non-Methodist pastor officiate just that part of it. Then the couples can come back to their home church and have a celebration service.

Yes, it sucks, but it is what it is.  It’s not fair, it’s not equal, but right now it’s what we’re working with.

One of my readers asked me Monday evening why I don’t just go somewhere else, to some other church, that accepts my and Marianne’s relationship and will marry us.

My answer was that Green Street does accept and love us and I truly believe Kelly would marry us in a heartbeat if he could. So there’s no reason for me to want to leave Green Street, it’s (most of) the rest of the Methodist Church that has the problem. Thinking about it further, I came to the conclusion that you don’t give up on family.


The good thing is that Green Street, and the larger Methodist Church, is having these conversations at all. And as long as we are talking about these issues and are actively trying to move forward, then why would I leave? My family is having a disagreement, we’re feeling the awkwardness that comes with growing and stretching, but we’re still a family.

Which brings me back full circle to the (ironic) fact that I am helping to craft same-gender relationship celebration policy at Green Street. It only makes sense that I actively participate in the life of my family. I can sit and bemoan all day the fact that my family leaves me out, but if I don’t work for change, then it’s just as much my fault as it is theirs that I am still left out 10 years from now.

On a lighter note, we got our save-the-date magnets today (!!) so those should be in the mail some time this weekend. Now that we know we can use Green Street for at least a celebration of sorts, we can get back to the business of (actually) planning our wedding.

4 responses »

    • It seems so, yes. As long as it’s made totally clear that the vows were made somewhere else. Other churches have policies that include that language so that’s one thing I’m hoping to include in Green Street’s policy as well.

  1. To each their own. who are they bothering, no one so just be quite on the subject and be on your way. LOVE IS LOVE!! What does it matter what the gender!! This is 2012 after all. Enough said.

  2. Pingback: “It’s not the timing of the market… « Poems, Prayers, Promises & Politics

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