What to call a wedding when it’s not one


This is the photo we're using on the Save-the-Date!

So Marianne and I finally got our save the date magnets ordered!

The process was interesting though. See, I’m all about calling what we’re doing a wedding, but Marianne hasn’t bought into it.

What I mean is that she’s bought into the event, just not the wording, because it’s not a wedding…not really anyway. Neither the state of North Carolina or the Methodist Church recognize what we’re doing as anything other than playing at the real event. Nothing’s legal.

So what to call it then?

My mom mentioned once, or maybe it was Pastor Kelly, that technically it’s an act of civil disobedience. Both the state of N.C. and the Methodist Church say “no,” but we say “we’re doing it anyway.”

So that’s what we went with.

I think the magnet says something to the effect of “Come participate in our act of civil disobedience” with the date and place and the wonderful photo to your left.

In other, related, news, I’ve been reading a book against the idea of marriage equality.

Against the idea of marriage equality?, you ask quizzically, head turned sideways, eyes peering over your glasses.

Yes, against it. The authors argue that to advance marriage equality is to prop up a fundamentally unfair system. The whole idea is that while before, marriage (and all the thousand or so legal and tax advantages that comes with it) was restricted to just opposite-gender couples, to extend that unfair system to same-gender couples doesn’t make it any less unfair. It just includes larger numbers of people in it’s unfairness.

So with that in mind, and the book she just finished on sexuality and Socialism, she asked me why I still wanted to get married or put all this time and effort and money toward our act of civil disobedience.

When I think about it, I realize it’s always been about making a commitment to Marianne in front of however many people show up and God and asking them to hold me accountable. Whether or not we ever live in a state (or defect to Canada) where same-gender marriage is legal isn’t the point, the idea (for me anyway) is about making that public act of commitment.

Personally, I would be perfectly happy if the government got out of the marriage business all together. I think it’s a creepy invasion of privacy that the government knows who I sleep with at night and with whom I want to share my life. And I don’t really understand why one citizen class is privileged over another. But as it stands, the government feels the need to extend privileges to some and not others and so if those privileges can get extended to more people, then so be it.

I think.

I guess my point is that if the government is not going to get out of the marriage business (which they’re not), shouldn’t everyone who wants to be able to partake in the privileges the government grants to those who choose to get married be able to?

As it stands, Marianne and I can’t do any of that legal stuff anyway, so here’s to us! Let the civil disobedience commence!


5 responses »

  1. I love your idea of Civil Disobedience! I am a youth leader at a church in Reno Nevada, and I am even having struggles out here with getting other leaders in our church to accept homosexual marriages. It is something that both me and my wife feel very strongly about. My wife is originally from Concord North Carolina, so I understand the struggles you are going through. I just want to say that I think your act of Civil Disobedience is awesome and you have people supporting you clear across the country! Cant wait to hear how the event goes:)

    • Thanks so much for your comment! I am always glad to see when folks from around the US just happen across my blog and actually find time to comment. Peace and blessings to you, i look forward to reading more of your blog as well. 😀

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