More questions than answers…


…thanks Marianne and Jamie.

I wrote on Friday that I don’t feel that I need my relationship to be any more “normal” than any other opposite-gender relationship, that if I challenged your stereotypes of what a lesbian relationship was then that was a bonus, not a necessity.

And then Marianne and I had a conversation which blew my brain up. And then my friend Jamie commented along the same lines. The idea that the “I’m just as normal as you” logic doesn’t really cut it.

Jamie commented:

What if say, a butch lesbian is tattooed all over, pierced, rocks some funky hair, participates in an open, but monogamous relationship, enjoys herself some S&M or whatever else ‘abnormal’ things one can think of — she, too should be given all the rights as any ‘normal’ couple. I just worry sometimes about the whole ‘we’re normal, too’ and that it means ‘and therefore — because of our normalcy — we should have the same rights as you.’ What about people who aren’t the same as everyone else?

They’re right of course. Because when it comes down to brass tacks, the coworker I mentioned on Friday is still going to vote against my rights come May. He can like me all he wants, but if he is still going to vote against me (and the 220,000 other same- and opposite-gender unmarried couples in N.C.) in May by voting for the amendment, then what good does his friendship do me?

So what do I do with that?

How do I walk the fine line between getting along with the world and being the activist I need to be to get change?

I’m torn between “let’s work within the existing structure” and “screw the structure, let’s get active” mentality. Is there a place for both?

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