How Dare You


This is an open letter to the parents of a friend of mine who, when she came out to them over winter break, took her almost straight away to their pastor for “counseling.”

Dear parents of the girl who has spent the last two days in her dorm room crying over an ex-girlfriend and the fact that she lost said ex because of all the crap you gave her over winter break:

How dare you.

How dare you tell the child that you love that she is less than she was right before she told you she might be a lesbian. She should be out enjoying the final semester of her senior year, student teaching, making memories, but instead, she’s in her dorm room completely miserable.

Your daughter did the most natural of all things in the world: she fell in love. It just happened to be with a woman.

I get that  in your world being gay is a sin, trust me I was raised Catholic, but that ideology should have ended the minute your child told you she might be a lesbian. My parents may not understand how the whole same-gender attraction works, but the minute that I came out to them, everything shifted.

Sure, my parents absolutely expected, hoped for, wanted me to find a man and get married in a white wedding dress, but that didn’t happen. I, just like your daughter, fell in love with a woman. Suddenly my parents came to see me in a different light, but underneath it all I was still their child.

And guess what. Your daughter is still God’s child too.

Whether you like it, understand it or wish it wasn’t so, God still loves her.God loved her before and God loves her now and God will love her until eternity. God doesn’t make mistakes and he sure as hell doesn’t make people who must spend their entire life denying who they are simply because who they are is a “sin.”

Your daughter isn’t broken, or conflicted, or living in sin. She just might be a lesbian. Or bisexual. Or maybe neither in the end. But how dare you as parents make her feel so bad about who she is right now at this moment.

I’m getting married to the love of my life, my partner and my best friend in October. Her name is Marianne. Our wedding will be at a church. With a pastor. And through it all God will be there to watch over it, bless and sanctify it. Because love is never wrong.

I know you have studied the Bible up and down for years on end, but I want to close by bringing in a different perspective. It’s from a guy named Kahlil Gibran. At every momentous occasion in my life, my mom has either written or said these words to me. And she will read them at my wedding.

On Children:

Your children are not your children…You may give them your love but not your thoughts/ For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls/ For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow/ which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them/ but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

I don’t intend to change your mind about all homosexuals, just about your daughter. She is the same as she was yesterday and when she graduates she will go on to become a wonderful Spanish teacher. She has so so so much going for her. Her choice in life partners should be the least of your concerns.


2 responses »

  1. This is amazing. I will remember this and maybe one day I’ll send it to my mum. I hope your friend’s parents come around soon. Till then, tell her to chin up, cheer up, forget all that fuckery and open up life like a fine wine. Good luck with wedding planning ladies! xoxo

  2. Pingback: WTF Ann Coulter? « Poems, Prayers, Promises & Politics

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