Wedding Photos!

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Hey all,

For those of you that followed my journey, again I thank you. As promised, here are the wedding photos. If more come in the days ahead I will make another post but now, enjoy these:

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So I guess this is it…

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When I started this blog, the intention was to capture my thoughts and feelings, critiques and celebrations as I went through the wedding process as a lesbian living in North Carolina.

I am thankful I set a cut off date because I never wanted this blog to drag on forever with occasional posts that never mean much to anyone. Nor did I want it to be purely political. It was about all the different parts of my journey up through last Saturday. So I guess this is it, this will probably be my last post. At least until the wedding pictures come in and I can add a slideshow for folks to see.

I learned a lot on this journey, mostly how to be thankful for the folks who never treated my wedding weekend differently than anyone else’s simply because I was marry a woman: Pastor Kelly and my Green Street family, the folks at all three David’s Bridal stores, the caterers, the jewelers,  my family and friends. I learned that sometimes the world is awful to gay folks, but many times it’s not. I found that for me, the actual process of saying my vows and having other community members bear witness to my permanent relationship with Marianne means more than any piece of legal paperwork ever could.

I love you all, I mean it. I’ll still be around in some form or fashion, but for now this is it. There’s an ending here, but it’s also a beginning for me. I quoted bell hooks on the “About” page of this blog She’s also applicable here:

I still think it’s important for people to have a sharp, ongoing critique of marriage in patriarchal society — because once you marry within a society that remains patriarchal, no matter how alternative you want to be within your unit, there is still a culture outside you that will impose many, many values on you whether you want them to or not.

I’m grateful for all this blog’s readers who stuck with me for the past 11 months, encouraged me both in person and through the blogosphere and gave me a reason to continue each week. I sincerely hope that you all gained as much as I did throughout this process.

Sweetness and Light

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Gettin’ married!

I tried about a million different ways to start this post and describe the wedding weekend extravaganza, but the only two words that keep coming back to me are Sweetness and Light.

Not everything was perfect, but it was perfectly us. From the Friday night Vow and Ring Exchange in gorgeous Miller Park to Saturday’s event at Green Street, everything just fell into place.

Surrounded by family and just the right amount of friends and community members, we pledged our love and affection to one another.

Thanks to Rev. Kelly, we were reminded just how exactly we were blessings to each other and the responsibility we now have toward each other to continue to be those blessings.

There’s a lot more I want to say and I’m sure it will come in the next few days. Right now, I’m still drinking it all in and trying to wring out every last drop of goodness that came from this weekend.

Below are the vows we gave each other, with a little help from  Elis, Friday evening:

I, Marianne, take you, Katie, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know; I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.

I, Katie, take you, Marianne,  to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know; I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.

It is now time for the exchanging of rings.

Marianne, while placing the ring on Katie’s finger, I invite you to repeat after me.

I give you this ring as a token of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to learn and grow with you.

And Katie, as you place the ring on Marianne’s finger, you may repeat after me.

I give you this ring as a token of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to learn and grow with you.

Queer Choices: marriage Equality at the Crossroads

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Eek! Marianne and I have just five days to go before out Wedding Weekend Extravaganza(!) begins. I’ve been busily getting the centerpieces for our table decorations procured, making a packing list for Thursday evening and trying to switch Friday’s outdoor ring exchange ceremony to a location with lighting because (as M pointed out yesterday) it gets dark by 6:25 p.m.

Anyhow, I’m currently at work catching up on my professional Twitter Feed and I came across the following gem from the Chronicle of Higher Education‘s blog. I’m including what I think are some of the best lines, but I really think you ought to read the post in it’s entirety.

Queer Choices: Marriage Equality at the Crossroads

Claire Potter

From the blog:

I must admit that sometimes when I am with heterosexual people who want to discuss the slow march toward equal rights, my queer soul seizes just a little bit. Please don’t take it personally if you notice. It means I am suffering the transformation from subject to object that occurs when I am discussing a lifetime of queer choices and dilemmas as if they were occurring in someone else’s life.

I think most GLBTQ folks have been there. We’re having a nice conversation at a dinner party and suddenly the topic turns to equal rights. To retain some semblance of decorum, we must separate ourselves from the topic of conversation (we as the “subject” must reframe ourselves as an “object” and pretend that the conversation is simply theoretical).

Even though I have accomplishments, money, a home, friends and a job, I actually know that the laws my life depends on are only a ballot initiative away, that other people’s feelings and insecurities about their straight families are widely perceived as justification for limiting the resources and rights available to my queer family.

I’ve written about this before. It’s a weird place to live, this space where I know that my rights and the laws that govern me are entirely dependent on how other people feel about their own families. And it sucks when 60 percent of the 30 percent of registered voters that came out to the polls in May were not comfortable enough with their own relationships so they chose to restrict the available choices for me.

 If life is a series of choices for everyone, queer life is a series of queer choices, of evasions, of making do, of coping with anxiety and with limitations.

She then goes on to give examples of the Family Rate for auto insurance that depends on how sympathetic the agent is to my specific situation; that only six states “recognize my humanity” while 19 states refuse any sort of legal protection (never mind marriage or civil unions) to GLBTQ folks in relationships; DOMA requires that GLBTQ folks that do live in states with marriage equality pay a separate tax rate at the state and federal levels; and knowing that a vast number of people think I can just abandon my “queer choice” of Marianne as a partner of almost five years for a man.

Oh what times we live in.  Why are our rights on the ballot? In that case, why not let the Taliban vote on whether women should go to school?

WTF Ann Coulter?

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Now, obviously, I’m not Fox News fan so I generally don’t pay attention to what goes on in the small-minded worlds of their show personalities. But I ran across this tweet from conservative host Ann Coulter:

What.The.Fuck Ann Coulter?

In an age where gay and lesbian youth already deal with the “normal” pressures of academics, fitting in and finding a date for prom, the last thing they need is to worry about being disowned because they chose to come out to the people with whom they should feel most comfortable. I’m pretty sure I was super lucky to get the parents I have because even if they had an issue with my “coming out” to them, I never knew about it. They never put their issues (if they had any) on me. They continue to love me exactly for as I am and regardless of who I love.

I just can’t fathom what kind of parent would behave as A.C. suggests…but, clearly, it’s not all that uncommon. See my post here about that.